this post isn’t going to be pretty. just warning you.
days like today make me want to scream. i’m not a screamer. or a fighter. or someone who gets raging mad very easy.
but today i’m fighting the anger inside and praying i don’t sin in the process.
sam’s potty training is going ok…still has accidents…but s.l.o.w.l.y making progress. however, he rarely has accidents when we’re out…when we’re at friends’ houses…when he’s napping…or when he’s at mother’s day out. it’s when he’s with me. at home. like he shuts his brain off and thinks that we pee while we’re playing with legos. then he fights me all the way to the bathroom. he is defiant. then follows the discipline. it’s a not so fun cycle. the ‘three day potty training method’ has not been so successful around here.
if you’re already thinking, ‘well, hollie…maybe he wasn’t ready?!?’ please stop reading now because a condemning spirit isn’t what my heart needs. thanks.
and he still bites. not people as much…but furniture or white bed spreads with chewed up multi-color goldfish crackers in his mouth. awesome. it leaves a lovely rainbow stain on things.
i’ve reminded myself today that just like i have to instill confidence in my little guy that he CAN do this…that he IS a big boy…that he can make good choices…and that we mess up in the process of growing up, i must tell myself these things too. it’s what Jesus is trying to whisper to me but it is hard to hear now.
it’s also one of those days where gwen doesn’t nap long. though she is relatively happy upon waking, the anger boils up in me since i had just fallen asleep (i nap with them to survive and re-energize for the part II of my day).
let’s just be real honest. days like today dash my confidence in doing this deployment well.
and because every good post should end on a happy/positive note, i know we will make it. tomorrow is a new day. i still love my kids. i just hate days like today where i honestly wish someone else would swoop in and be mom for a day. this is such a hard job. not for the faint of heart (even when you feel that way).