anger management

this post isn’t going to be pretty. just warning you.

days like today make me want to scream. i’m not a screamer. or a fighter. or someone who gets raging mad very easy.

but today i’m fighting the anger inside and praying i don’t sin in the process.

sam’s potty training is going ok…still has accidents…but s.l.o.w.l.y making progress. however, he rarely has accidents when we’re out…when we’re at friends’ houses…when he’s napping…or when he’s at mother’s day out. it’s when he’s with me.  at home. like he shuts his brain off and thinks that we pee while we’re playing with legos. then he fights me all the way to the bathroom. he is defiant. then follows the discipline. it’s a not so fun cycle. the ‘three day potty training method’ has not been so successful around here.

if you’re already thinking, ‘well, hollie…maybe he wasn’t ready?!?’ please stop reading now because a condemning spirit isn’t what my heart needs. thanks.

and he still bites. not people as much…but furniture or white bed spreads with chewed up multi-color goldfish crackers in his mouth. awesome. it leaves a lovely rainbow stain on things.

i’ve reminded myself today that just like i have to instill confidence in my little guy that he CAN do this…that he IS a big boy…that he can make good choices…and that we mess up in the process of growing up, i must tell myself these things too. it’s what Jesus is trying to whisper to me but it is hard to hear now.

it’s also one of those days where gwen doesn’t nap long. though she is relatively happy upon waking, the anger boils up in me since i had just fallen asleep (i nap with them to survive and re-energize for the part II of my day).

let’s just be real honest. days like today dash my confidence in doing this deployment well.

and because every good post should end on a happy/positive note, i know we will make it. tomorrow is a new day. i still love my kids. i just hate days like today where i honestly wish someone else would swoop in and be mom for a day. this is such a hard job. not for the faint of heart (even when you feel that way).

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7 thoughts on “anger management

  1. Oh my sweet Hollie! I would that I could trade places with you for a day, a week, a month and give you a break! I miss those days so much!!! I know you hear this all the time, but enjoy these days. It goes by faster than a blink of an eye. AND IT’S OK TO GO OUTSIDE AND SCREAM AT THE TOP IF YOUR LUNGS!! Then come inside and hug your little challenges for the day. Mine are leaving me and I wish I could have a week back in diapers. I’m a little nostalgic and sick of my little birds leaving the nest!!! Love and many prayers!!!!

  2. You are the best, most beautiful wife and mom ever. I know you are doing your best, and it is more than enough. I love you so much.

  3. Oh Hollie. I feel your pain. I remember year 3 with Jackson…and most of it was awful. Boys are so hard. (Or at least MY boy was hard) =)
    You are doing such a great job with your kiddos. And I will pray for you. When Jax turned 4 he got soooo much better. People would tell me he would, but I didn’t believe them. Same with potty training. He was 3-1/2 before he got it and I just swore he’d go to college in diapers. You are an amazing momma. Thanks for sharing your heart and your struggles with us. It helps me to know better how to pray for you!
    Love you much!

  4. You’re amazing Hollie! I could never do what you do! and we only have one child to fight 🙂 You are so inspiring to me because I hate when Nate has to be gone only a few days or maybe a week. I am reminded that you do twice as much for much longer time periods. You are a fantastic mother and wife 🙂 Know that we are here to help in any way that we can. we love y’all!!

  5. Ditto JR’s message. This, too, shall pass…too quickly. Go outside and SCREAM…get a big stick\board and beat the ground or another board to bits. Then cry or laugh!! or both.
    Love u!

  6. I had my own version of this day recently. I felt like ripping a tree out of the ground by the roots (picture me doing it and you’ll laugh). Times like this make us feel alone, but that is a lie. There’s an army of women – and men – who have gone before you, and people like me who will come after you and call you for advice on potty training someday. (And who is surprised that Sam is strong willed? He will grow up with a good heart and strong character) Praying for you that tomorrow will be better!

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