A bit out of control

It’s amazing to me how a change in location, a lack of community, and no built in break from you kiddos can leave you feeling desperately out of control. That’s been me the past few days.

Thought I don’t really need to do this, since it is our blog, please know I’m not whining about the blessing of coming out here to be with Aaron. I am very grateful. However, I’ve been learning a lot about myself and how loss of normalcy reveals such dark parts of my heart. Selfishness, anger, and insecurity are showing up in all kinds of places…and it’s been quite gross.

Our month of being here is coming to an end. We have more less exasperated our visits to the park and library. We’ve paid for all kinds of entertainment. We’ve eaten out more than I have in the past 9 months combined. I’ve seen veiled women sip their Starbucks mysteriously behind their veil. Our kids have been the center of attention because of their beautiful white blonde hair and their ability to not pay attention and be loud. We’ve been together as a family. We’ve parented together. It’s been really good.

I don’t think I had any clue how much of our life in Corpus revolves around being the people. For the past many months, our weeks have been filled with morning play dates, lunch dates, dinner dates, pool dates, Brinca dates, park dates, baking dates, backyard movie dates, and any other kind of dates you can imagine. People richly bless our lives and I love being with them. Though I am more an introvert, I crave living life with people. It’s through these people that I see Jesus, I feel Jesus, I hear and am encouraged by Jesus…they are another tangible touch of my Redeemer. I couldn’t be more convinced, especially being away from them now, how important it is to be known and be in community no matter how messy it is. It’s worth every confrontation and forgiveness I’ve had to humbly cough up.

So many of these people hold an even dearer place in my life because they have trampled through this year with us. I have felt a bit out of control here knowing my support network is no where physically near. I miss our friends. My kids miss their friends. I’m thankful for that. It shows me the value Sam and Gwen already place on relationships. It’s pretty routine for Sam to ask ‘Who is coming over today?’ or ‘Whose house are we going to today?’  or ‘Whose going with us?’ {I’ll consider that a good thing for now.}

I recognize the idol community can become. God created it and it is a good thing. But I see how twisted it can become where community replaces more important things, like a marriage or communion with Jesus. I hope our kids will always see us living life in good relationships with other people and not living a secluded life as a little family. We desperately need a village.

These people have helped raise our kids this year. They have loved us well…cleaned up poopy underwear and throw-up and haven’t batted an eye about it. These aunties and uncles are dear to us and we miss them. Today I think I’ve come to terms with my ‘out of control crazy feeling’ because I have sensed this temporary deep sense of loss. I miss living life with people and I’m thankful this time has shown me that.  I really have such amazing friends. Funny…but if I’m really honest, I originally dreaded going to Corpus…what could life have for us there? I laugh in my own doubt of the gifts of people God graciously had in place for us there.

Very thankful we have such a place to go back to for now.


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