I have entered into a new phase of this deployment and when people ask me how I am, the honest answer is weary. We’ve been running hard, determined, and steady for a long time and I’m ready for this race to be over. It’s like the gut wrenching last 100 of the 400m I used to run in high school. Coming around the last turn you can see the finish but you are tired, hurting, and having to dig down deep. Technically you’re supposed to shorten your stride at this point, dig in, and sprint in.
I wouldn’t say I’m currently sprinting. Today I just tried to remember how to run.
While I know we have incredible support, its hard on days like today to hear the encouragement of others yelling you across the finish line. Sometimes you feel like people have forgotten. Whether they have or not, I have to dig down and keep running.
I know Aaron and I are both feeling similar feelings. I’m tired of single parenting. He’s tired of being bored and doing a job that isn’t very fun. It’s very hard to stay motivated and tempting to lose sight and fall off the track.
I see new dark parts of my heart that are surfacing…needing to be addressed but I’m not sure how. I am struggling with motherhood and how to utilize the time and talents I’ve been given. I easily feel frozen in what I should ‘work on’ since I feel like there is a lot. My heart is weary. All my ducks are not in a row…I don’t know where some of them are (that would also be a picture of my children in public places).
I’m grateful Jesus knows how I feel and that He still invites me, the weary, to come. He promises rest.
I’m not sure how that rest will come, but it’s promised and I’m banking on it.
The end is in sight, yes…we have rounded the corner and are almost done. 51 more days. Jesus will get us across that finish line. He is who I must hope in.