Reality

We’ve been somewhat quiet here the past few months. It’s been intentional and I’m sure people wonder how we are now that we’re all together again. That is such a complex answer that takes a long time to unpack with few people willing to really listen to or able to understand. We know people care and are giving us space to figure things out. It’s been hard. It’s been good too. These are some of the thoughts.

We are in a season of adjusting.

We are rebooting. In faith. In marriage. In parenting. In community. In being light.

We are working at communicating better each day.

We are relearning each other. Change forces that.

We are not the same as we were 16 months ago when he left.

We are relearning how to trust and read each other.

We are focusing on our family.

We are in limbo…waiting to hear if we are moving or staying.

We are somewhat rebuilding our life in a place where we have 4 years of history = very complicated.

We are thankful for this season to define what is reality now…not what it was before deployment or what it was for each of us this past year.

We believe Aaron being home is not the problem. Deployment and separation is the problem or cause.

We are a bit fragile and are relearning how to laugh together.

We’re working hard and won’t give up.

I can’t say I’ve read much about people who deploy and then write about all the readjustment and hard work it takes to relearn how to live together again. Another friend of mine, whose husband was also gone for a year, was commenting how most people probably think all things fall into place and life is just perfect again after he comes home. That’s a pipe dream.

I see how marriages fall apart when vets come home…how their minds are so ingrained to think a certain way and treat people a certain way that returning to family and civilian life can make them angry and feel very weird. They forget how to function in crazy civilian world where we have millions of choices of things, women aren’t fully covered, and everyone speaks English or Christianese. In a lot of ways it might be easier for couples to go their own way than to fight for their marriage and selflessly learn how to love someone who has really changed. My heart is humbled in gratefulness that my spouse hasn’t been dealing with major PTSD and struggles in knowing how to function with us. I’m thankful there are incredible resources and people who do want to get in the trenches with us and help us figure out the new normal. God bless true community.

I’m sure our stress levels have been heightened a tad from this past year and it will take a bit of time for those levels to shrink. We might look very self-centered and not reaching out a lot right now. We’ve been misunderstood for how we might spend our time or what we talk about. That’s okay…I’m having to be okay with being misunderstood and possibly judged. Jesus knows where we are and with Him there is no condemnation.

Part of our reality is that God fights for us and that He will redeem all things in His time. I’ve been bombarded with the word new and how He’s making things new. New starts are exciting and invigorating. They are better than before. New wine for new wineskins. It might mean a new move for us. Or it might mean a new start with new goals in an familiar place. I think the latter might be harder.

We were counseled last week to rewrite what reality is to us now. To identify what our reality is now no matter what the future holds…what we believe is true now. Today. It’s a good exercise and has made us dig down into that worldview foundation where all our assumptions lie that determine our actions. Thank you, Master’s Degree, for helping me understand that.

I know we’ll look back at this time and be grateful. I don’t want to forget this trench stage and that is why I write. God does hold us together. Amazing how we see that in such a season.

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2 thoughts on “Reality

  1. You’re absolutely right. I was pretty mean and pretty used to getting my way when I came home. And everyone at the store spoke English and I could understand their constant jabberings. And I had to sit facing the door in any restaurant and my wife thought that was weird and didn’t appreciate my keen sense of dining security. And I once walked part way to the store, then remembered I had a vehicle and could drive. Oh yes, and HB made breakfast for herself, then looked up and said, “Oh, I forgot, you’re here now.” And I was separated from all my buddies and forced to begin life with these weird civilians who seemed obsessed with this new thing called the Internet. I’m glad that never caught on.

    Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there.

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